white lies

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 17:24:41 GMT

I wonder if bruce ritter died and went to hell? priests are weird. so are nuns..im reading Confessions of a Pagan Nun by kate horsley and so far it has given me a bigger interest in herbs as medicine and DRUIDS. I am trying to teach myself to worry less about life things. I want a teacher, a spiritual advisor, someone humble and genuine enough to trust and learn from. Someone to come in and teach me a new way to live. Oh well, everyone is kind of screwy in some way or another, I suppose it is only up to me to make changes.

Besides having random urges to commit myself or getting drunk to pass out and wake up, get drunk and pass out again....I am okay. I think things could be more exciting which is why John and I have decided to take a train across the country, getting off in cities we've never heard of to explore, camp, congregate with likeminded individuals and make newww beautiful memories to replace the old sinful ones.

Our lease is up the beginning of November. Thats 3 months left, not counting July. 3 more payments of rent and stupid bills and then there is freedom!!!!!with no strings attached.

i really hope you all are doing good out there, if you're not, eat some pasta, carbohydrates release seratonin in your brain. They also make you fat so dont over do it.

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 22:10:52 GMT

The Chinese Communist Party Is the Source of All the Atrocities During the Persecution of Falun Gong (Photos)

By Li Ming, Minghui correspondent

(Clearwisdom.net) In the past six years of genocide against Falun Gong launched by Jiang's Communist regime, the abuse of women has been severe. According to "Violence Against Women" reports by the Falun Gong Human Rights Working Group, very few of the hundreds of thousands of detained female Falun Gong practitioners have been spared some form of violation, such as the humiliation of being stripped naked (often for great lengths of time), the denial of access to sanitary napkins, sexual attacks or rape threats, or having their breasts and genitals beaten or kicked. In the more severe cases, the police have raped or gang-raped female practitioners; they have shocked the practitioners with electric batons inserted into their vaginas, they have tortured the practitioners by shoving stiff brushes into their vaginas, and they have stripped them naked and thrown them into the cells of male criminals. One woman who survived these tortures said, "One cannot imagine the sinister nature of those police."

In the afternoon on November 25, 2005, police officer He Xuejian raped two female practitioners at the Dongchengfang Town Police Station in Zhuozhou City, Hebei Province. One of the victims was the age of He Xuejian's mother.

Officers from the Xingtai Police Department and a district police department in Hebei Province handcuffed illegally arrested female practitioners in a police car and gang raped them. They drove them to a detention center and whipped them with bamboo planks and shocked their breasts and private areas with electric batons.

The guards at almost all detention centers and forced labor camps in Guangdong Province savagely attack female practitioners' breasts and private areas. They shock the practitioners' breasts and private areas with electric batons, burn their nipples with cigarette lighters, insert electric batons inside the practitioners' vaginas and shock them, insert bundles of toothbrushes into the practitioners' vaginas, and use hooks to attack female practitioners' private parts. The male guards touch the practitioners' sensitive body parts in front of a crowd to humiliate them. They also squeeze male practitioners' testicles and electrically shock their private areas until they are severely injured and bleed profusely.

On April 6, 2004, Falun Gong practitioner Ms. Kaneko Yuko, who is currently living in Japan, spoke at a United Nations Human Rights Commission meeting where the topic was women's rights. She talked about her experiences at the Beijing Women's Forced Labor Camp and said,

"The guards tried to coerce me into giving up my belief. They handcuffed my hands and my feet to a bed. The handcuffs were very tight and I had blood on my wrists. They inserted a tube through my nose into my stomach and also inserted a tube into my urethra. They would not release me to let me use the restroom even though I was menstruating. They didn't want me to soil the quilt, so they put a plastic sheet underneath me and bared my lower body. The temperature in June in Beijing is about 97 0F. My lower body was soaked in sweat, blood and other excretions. They did not remove the tube after each force-feeding and neither did they tie it up. The things they poured into me gushed out and poured all over my neck and shoulders. I was covered in the sticky solution that soured and rotted. They had me tied for nearly 20 days. Later, when they released me, I could not get up from the bed. The flesh on my back was ulcerated and I could not walk."

Tue, 22 May 2007 03:06:32 GMT

ooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOO to explore other dimensions. SO many things are possible but some force keeps holding me back. I have WIREDWEIRD fantasies i should feel sooooo ashamed but instead i'll drink gin and eat fruity pebbles and worry NOT. I have been reading the dalai lama's guide to compassion and an open heart. I have found that drinking gin and combining his wisdom equals out to be a pretty therapeutic combination. I dont know if that is hypocritical of me but I reallu do not care.

I have been pretty annoyed with john's overbearing, overprotective, overobsessed, meddling, snooping in my cabinets MAMA but I am coping withn the situation pretty well and I can thank GIN and my middle finger because tht=ats the only way I'm getting by at this point. Oops, I shouldnt have said that, but most of you could imagine what im dealing with anyway..

I am taking intro to computers and ABNORNAL PYSCHOLOGY which is really exciting. I can diagnose myself with even MORE mental disorders. The rate i'm going ILl be dead by the age of 30. I am sucha middle aged housewife its not even fair. I have got to do something before I turn into a ROCK. My mind is MOOSH these dayz....................

no cheddar without my wine

Wed, 02 May 2007 22:59:14 GMT

i've only drank $1.37 of this wine bottle and so far and the cork has already disappeared right out of thin air. It's funny because i remember screwing the cork in the bottle thinking I wouldnt drink anymore but when I decided i WOULD drink som more, the cork was out and missing. I suppose that is a message from God telling me to drink more. cheers to that. In fact I think I need to make drinking a part of my everyday life.

John and I are growing cucumbers, tomatoes, rosemary, and a pine tree. WE also have a cactus terrarium I think is what it's called, that is really fucking cool. company would be nice, it gets lonely out here sometimes.

goodnight =))))))))))))))))))))

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 16:41:13 GMT

This black cat came running up to my door this morning and started meowing to get in. The door was cracked and as I was wondering why the hell he was so adament to get in, he looked up at me and hissed then ran away.

4 large baking potatoes
1/4 cup low-fat organic milk, soy milk, or rice milk
2 cups finely chopped broccoli florets, steamed
1 cup grated organic cheddar or cheddar-style nondairy cheese
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
Bake or microwave the potatoes until done but still firm. When cool enough to handle, cut each in half lengthwise. Scoop out the inside of each potato half, leaving a sturdy shell, about 1/4 inch thick all around.

Transfer the scooped-out potato to a mixing bowl and mash it coarsely. Add the remaining ingredients and stir well to combine.

Stuff the mixture back into the potato shells. Heat as needed in the microwave or in a preheated 400-degree oven, and serrrrrrrrrrve

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 20:03:17 GMT

im counting down the days til i am set free.

im tired of living in a
i'm a drama queeen give me sypathy
john is such an angry beligerent fool
who is capable of evil things
no one else sees it cus\z you're all BLIND

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 23:53:22 GMT

tomorrow shall determine my destiny. i have been waiting a year for bliss
and ill be damned if the invititation was found sleeping in the cushions of my couch.

i would say that i am content but i think that would be a lie considering i have minimal friends and a yearning for less responsibilities and a hefty load of i dont know what but something to make the days pass a little quicker. I have decided that i am already ready to retire.

I DID have an awful stomach virus attack that left me paralyzed and zombiefied for two days. it had me thinking weird things, like that my cat was a lampshade. i believe i have a low immune system. i think working at a dry cleaners and touching soiled garments all day might have something to do with it. nonetheless, i am healthy today! tomorrow that will probably change, but at least i don't THINK i have aids.

hope everyone is having fun in florida where it's warm!

no methadonia

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 05:07:44 GMT

everything is juuuust alright,folks.
barely alive and breathing but at least
tonight i WILL SLEEP.

thanks to lavender baby lotion and a warm hot
body to crawl up and into
that purrs when you call her credenzaaaaaaa

pray for me anyway

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:34:40 GMT

i think i got JINXED by my last post,damnit.

last night i tossed 360mg OC out the window in a crazy fit.
today i spent 30 minutes looking for 'em but FAILED. I suppose
that is a good thing although as always i hate the weak, dreary
feeling that comes after. At least I always know
when it is time to take a break. That is- after a nervous breakdown and 12 to 24 hrs. of nonstop arguing, pushing, crying, screaming and almost nearly beating the shit out of one another.

The nervous breakdown was pretty neat though, it was night time and i was
driving and all the street lights and lamps and carlights made pretty
swirly designs all over the place, meanwhile two little hands were driving the steering wheel (at the time i could have swore they were not mine)
((if you have ever had an out of body experience and know the feeling
of seeing your outer body but feeling your inner self become unattached you know how WEIRD of a feeling that is))
meanwhile the demon inside me began maniacally laughing and speaking in one of those weird sam losco impersonates a 5 year old girl voices...john kept telling me i was creeping the shit out of him but that just made it worse.

actually it was really fucking scary and all day today i have been feeling the aftermath.

Out of all this I decided maybe I should start going to church....

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 23:04:06 GMT

moved to raleigh.

and boy am i ever so satisfied that we have finally
done something for ourselves that is actually GOOD.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 18:30:24 GMT

moving to raleigh in 5 minutes.

we have extra small little bedroom if anyone gets a wildhair
and wants to come to north carolina for a visit.

i wanna die just like jesus christ

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 15:38:51 GMT

i still dont know if i've recuperated from last weekend, most of it
was a haze. it was nice seeing familiar faces and the merging
of personalities, nonetheless. i had a good time, from what i DO remember.
except John losing his license and almost getting my car impounded. thank goodness
for asian cops, they always let you slide.

i do laundry 6 days out of 7 in a week. the only time i do not check pockets is
when i do my laundry at home. i kept seeing little peices of greenery on my clothes
as i was putting them into the dryer- after a couple seconds i realized what it was. of course i am the dumbass for not checking pockets and i get a lecture on what a shitty, careless
girlfriend i am. i thought i do him a favor by doing laundry but now i see that he doesn't
appreciate it, in fact, he resents me for doing it. SO for now on i will make it a point not
to do anything nice for him. I will only do things i think he doesn't want me to do, and maybe
that will make him happy. (i'm sure it won't)

life is more stale now than it has ever been.

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 02:07:35 GMT

today i swam in a giant rocky creek with waterfalls left and right, in a valley down underneath the mountain. thousands of tadpoles were milking off of my legs, along while the current pushed me further annnnnnd further downstream. then i went to grandmaws and she poured me a glass of homemade tomato wine. she said it was for cooking, but i really know what it's for.

today was fine and i feel just alriiiiight

nasty

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 18:22:56 GMT

there are some things i do not miss at all-

if you look hard enough you can see the fleas....

what happened?

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 02:07:59 GMT

i found viatnamese coin, chinese coin and nearly two dollars in
a pair of pants at work today. as an employee of a dry cleaners, it's a given that you will find all sorts of interesting things inside those hidden little pockets of men's jeans. shrimp tails, roach clips, joints and pills (if youre lucky) and sometimes if you're UNLUCKY you will find bloody pockets that look as if someone has stuffed the heart of an infant in their pocket and forgotten about it for years and years. sometimes you may even find a handful of DOOKIE in the back pockets.....that is when you bring out the latex gloves. working production keeps the changepurse full and the mind busy, but a lot of SOMETHING is missing.. i can't put my finger on it..........

(paragraph deleted because it didnt really make sense)

so for those who are wondering what i have been doing in the piedmont region of north carolina--this is it. no drugs, besides nicotine, caffeine and alcohol-usually wine. these days i have found that i much prefer cheese with my wine.

i'm excessively needy and way to moody. i guess anybody can say that,though. whatever. life is short,we'll be gone soon enough...

if wine cant do it- whiskey will

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 19:31:30 GMT

never been a sinner, i've never sinned
i've got a friend in jesus
so you know that when I die
he's gonna set me up with the spirit in the sky

i saw the sign~it opened up my eyes I SAW THE SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 02:51:48 GMT

for 3 dollars a day to buy a little glass bottle in a brown bag of aristokrat whiskey i can deal with that. it takes away the worry and pain of everyday life and it makes dealing with SHIT a little more easier. i decided for the rest of my shitty life my main goal is to stay intoxicated every single minute-

today at the bowling alley i scored 6 6 6. i think it's a sign. Also the fact that my great aunt and my great grandmother, both on opposite sides of the family, are both proclaimed WITCHES. I think this says something. I think it says that I am doomed for all eternity and anyone that comes in contact with my infectious soul is doomed also, so all of you motherfuckers..
are going to die a terrible death.
and i hope you are ready.

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

ps=
if anyopne prays, pray i die in my sleep tongiht. thanks.

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 20:10:24 GMT

don't you hate when you get in those moods
where you don't want to sit around, but then you
don't want to go anywhere. you don't want to have
a cigarette because you just had one 7 minutes ago but
if you have one again, 7 more minutes will pass...
so you do it anyway and then when it's gone you just
light up another one so you don't have to come back inside
and sit down where everyone else is stoned off television
and has half-dead expressions on their faces and yell
at you if you ask a question like.."so,what do you want for dinner"

i made some vegetarian tacos the other day and i swear no
restaurant, no PERSON has ever made tacos that fucking good.
i've eaten them for the past 3 days in a row, tasting more
delicious each time.

i have been thinking lately how much i hate to feel tied down
to things- people, places, etc. i hate feeling stagnant. like
i'm not getting anything done or going anywhere. i'm just a little
piece of corn sitting in the center of a pile of steaming hot shit and i just want someone to pick me out, swallow melalalala whole and put me into a place that i have never been before, where i can explore, get stuck in intestines, wiggle my way out and float off onto livers, swim through fallopian tubes, get intoxicated off of stomach acid, and if im lucky maybe i could find my way to the brain and live inside of an endogenous opioid biochemical compound.

Sun, 07 May 2006 04:25:35 GMT

bob dylan is in asheville,tonight. i am not, but i will
be next week-with my favorite lover and our friend. speaking
of that,i wish one of you were online because i made some
changes in the plan and i would really really like to
talk to you guys about it to make sure it's okay. it's already
done, john you will be coming on the 9th, THIS WEDNESDAY. your ticket
somehow ended up cheaper. i have an idea for adam that could save us all quite a bit of money and wasted time driving.

anybody who wants to come up this summer for our wedding,
it will be on top of a mountain and a pagan preistess will
be the one to marry us. it should be interesting, good
excuse for a summer vacation! and our wedding gift is YOUR presence,
so spend 80 dollars on a round trip ticket to asheville,north
carolina. mark heisler agreed to provide the alcohol..if that means anything. honeymoon will be in the woods alongside the blue ridge parkway. friends are invited!family is not. you have to wear a costume, though, thats the only requirement. peace be with you all/

why do drugs when you can dream about taking them?

Fri, 05 May 2006 09:56:58 GMT

nothing feels better than waking up at 5am from
taking whip-it in a dream and then having
glass of milk with ice, talking to hot girl in
korea about LIFE and smoking three cigarettes.

must try to go back for a nap, this
time i'll attempt a lucid dream. looking
forward to tomorrow, days pass by pretty quickly.

john,ill reply to your response tomorrow
when I can think a little more clearly.

Tue, 02 May 2006 06:40:24 GMT

john vassilion asked me to be his bride.

i masturbated five times while watching blue velvet tonight......

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 06:55:26 GMT

top cigarette tobacco is only 70 cents a package
and i have enough frozen soybean corndogs to satisfy me for
the next couple of days, life is cheap and fun sometimes,
im looking forward to tomorrow, another
trip to asheville- cost me gas money but
it is worth it when my new best friend is carlo
rossi and friends give free house shows,
i will have sex with my soul in the bathroom. unless
my mother kicks my ass for drinking all her
muskidine wine- i can leave her a couple dollars....

goodnight livejournal, and all of you that have
become nothing more than illusions....or delusions...
of my mind.

this entry will be deleted tomorrow.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:55:44 GMT

don't ever cuss during an interview....

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 21:09:16 GMT

i'm working on my 4th job in less than a month.
and i'll probably quit that one in a week cuz plans
are to move into a room for 250 a month with a friend
in asheville and work in a group home getting paid
10 dollars an hour. gosh, i think all the drugs
i was doing down there turned me uni-polar. i suffer
from a chronic case of MANIA and soon i will suffer
from alcoholism as well. oh, well, it is fun- nonetheless.
i just miss my rubber-fingered baby but he promises to
come to me, we shall see..

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 08:00:52 GMT

hello, sleep
where have you gone to?

for the
sake of my sanity. i would kiss
you gently and hold your hand so
softly, if you only come back to me
and cradle me and hum sweet lullabys
into my ear. john, why is it that all
i can think about it your warm body curled
up against my back and your hand holding my
left breast so sweetly like you used to do.

credenza fur coat isn't keeping me warm enough tonight,
i would cry but i do not want to upset her.